melodyprower11 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
melodyprower11) wrote2010-12-13 10:09 pm
melodyprower11) wrote2010-12-13 10:09 pm
Entry tags:
Siren Song, HanHae
Title:Siren Song
Pairing: HanHae
Rating: Pg-13
Genre: Angst, i guess.
Warnings: Character death and suicide. don't like, don't read.
Summary: Han Geng is having a bad day. So is Donghae. Donghae's solution may cause more trouble than it fixes.
I am not entirely sure how much i like this fic... but i feel guilty about not updating Moon Struck, so I decided to post this >.< I'm working on it i prooooomise.
Hang Geng sighs heavily and drags himself into his room. His eyes droop with exhaustion, and his entire body aches, right down to his fingers and toes. His bed beckons invitingly, and he wastes no time in dropping down onto it, burying his face into pillow. A groan escapes his mouth.
Some days, he thinks, it was all too much. Sure, he liked his job, loved it, had given up his home and family to pursue it. Most days it was worth it. Bright lights, and screaming fans, and the laughter and camaraderie of the boys who had become his second family, his brothers.
But then came days like today. Days run on almost no sleep, the schedule endless. Where the laughter died, and withered away, leaving only strained conversations and oppressing silence.
Days like these, he thinks bitterly, have been occurring far too often lately.
He’s almost asleep when a knock on the door startles him, and he slips off the bed onto the floor. He shoves the blanket from where it had fallen with him, and untangles himself, muttering under his breath. He painfully stands up and limps over to the door, rubbing at his bruised elbow.
He opens the door with a sigh, and answers with a scowl. “yes?”
He blinks down at a pair of warm brown eyes. His scowl softens into a barely-there smile.
Donghae stares him, eyes wide and earnest. A few strands of hair fall into his face as he cocks his head to the side. The movement causes the oversized off-white shirt to slip off his shoulder. “ Are you okay Hannie?”
Han Geng lets out a breath, but manages a smile. “Of course Hae. Why?”
Donghae frowns, and raises a hand hidden by the long sleeves of his shirt to brush the hair out of his eyes. He locks gazes with Han Geng.
“You looked sad earlier. I was worried.”
He looks down to bare feet covered by the frayed edges of a worn pair of jeans and bites his lip. After a moment he glances back up hesitantly. “ Are you sure you’re okay?”
Surprise flashes across Han Geng’s face. He’d thought he had managed to act normally enough earlier. Apparently not. Then again, Donghae always seemed to see right through him anyway.
“Well, maybe I was, a little.” he admits.
Han Geng drops his façade, and allows the younger to see the weariness in his dark eyes, and the sharp ache of pain and loneliness in the lines of his face.
Donghae studies his face, brows drawn in concentration. He pouts for the barest moment, before something sparks in his eyes, and he brightens. He rocks back and forth on his heels, and announces excitedly. “I have something I want to show you Hannie.”
Han Geng’ face twists in confusion. “what?”
A smile breaks out on Donghae’s face, and he grabs hold of Han Geng’s hand, dragging the older man out of the room.
Han Geng stumbles briefly, but increases his pace to keep up with Donghae. “Where are we going?”
Donghae chatters at him over his shoulder. “I saw the weather report earlier, and it’s perfect today! You’ll really like it!”
Han Geng isn’t any clearer on where they are going, but follows the excited male anyway. He thinks longingly of his bed once last time before they are at the door. Donghae quickly snatches up a set of keys, and calls into the kitchen. “Teukie-hyung! Me and Hannie are going out!”
Leeteuk pauses from where he had been making ramen. “Where are you-”
The door slams.
“-going?”
Leeteuk looks at the door in bemusement for a moment before shrugging and returning to his ramen. He tastes it and grimaces. “Now what did I do wrong?”
-------------------------------------------------------
Han Geng stands still as Donghae shoves the keys into his hand flits around to the passenger side of the car, flinging open the door and jumping in. after a moment he opens the door back up and looks over the top of the car.
Confused eyes peer at him. “Aren’t you coming?”
Han Geng raises an eyebrow. “So I’m driving?”
Donghae nods slowly. “Ye-es.”
Han Geng lets out a soft snort of laughter and gets into the car. He starts it up and the two pull out of the parking garage. Han Geng briefly turns his gaze to the other. “So where are we going?”
Donghae leans forward in his seat. He points frantically to the left. “Turn here! Turn here!”
Han Geng tightens his grip on the steering wheel, but does so. “Hae?”
Donghae settles back. “You’ll see.”
Han Geng shakes his head slightly, but amusement quirks his lips.
The two drive in silence for a while, with Donghae issuing directions every now and then. Eventually Donghae starts humming under his breathe, and reaches for the radio. They both laugh at the first thing they hear.
Sorry sorry sorry sorry…
Donghae draws his knees up to his chest and wraps his arms around them. He rests his chin and glances at Han Geng out of the corner of his eye.
Something catches Han Geng’s interest.
“Donghae?”
“Yeah Hannie?”
“Are you wearing shoes?”
Donghae blinks and looks down at his feet. Bare toes greet him and wiggle, prompting a fit of giggles.
“I forgot to put them on.”
Han Geng sighs, fond exasperation coloring the noise. Of course.
Donghae narrows his eyes, and pouts. A smile crosses Han Geng’s face every time he looks over. Eventually Donghae gives in, and smiles back at him. Once again they lapse into a comfortable silence.
Soon enough Donghae is directing them off the main highway, onto a small dirt road. It twists and turns, and eventually stops in a small field. Han Geng puts the car into park, and the pair get out.
Han Geng looks around. They are surrounded by trees on all sides, but as he takes a deep breathe he can smell the salty air of the ocean. The sky is overcast, and the wind is beginning to pick up, blowing leaves off the trees to flutter to the ground.
“Hannie!”
Donghae has crossed the field to stand at the beginning of a small trail that heads into the woods.
Han Geng jogs over. “Is this where we are going?”
Donghae nods, eyes glowing with excitement. “Yep! Just down here.” He gestures to the narrow path. He bounces up and down slightly before once again grabbing Han Geng’s hand, this time pushing his sleeve up enough to twine their fingers together.
Han Geng’s breath catches at the contact, and he doesn’t have time to right himself before they are haring off through the woods. Heat rises to his face, and his eyes are repeatedly drawn to their clasped hands.
After a moment though, he becomes aware of the way Donghae hisses with every footstep. Han Geng stops, and Donghae jerks at the unexpected obstruction. He turns around . Han Geng searches the smaller boy’s face, wind blown hair, eyes bright, and slightly flushed in exertion.
There. He sees the slight wince, as Donghae shifts uncomfortably from foot to foot.
“You silly little fishy.”
Han Geng quickly crosses the few steps between them, and kneels in front of the other.
“Get on.”
“Hannie?”
“You’re not wearing shoes. I’ll carry you.”
There is a moment of silence, before Han Geng feels a weight settle on his back and arms wrap around his neck. Slowly Han Geng stands back up. Their gazes meet over Han Geng’s shoulder. Something flickers in Donghae’s eyes, the emotion naked, vulnerable, before he flushes and buries his face into the crook of Han Geng’s neck.
“Thanks.” A breath across his skin, whispering lips.
Han Geng’s knees very nearly buckle underneath, but somehow he remains standing, and continues down the trail.
Slowly, the trees start thinning out, and they come to open sky, and the sound of waves crashing. A small cliff overlooks the ocean, and it is here that Donghae slips off of Han Geng’s back, drawing the other man with him to stand a safe distance from the edge.
Off in the distance, storm clouds gather, rolling black and flashing lightning. Thunder faintly sounds in their ears, and the wind is stronger than ever. Waves crash against the side of the cliff, send water spraying up over the edge of the cliff.
Han Geng’s eyebrows shoot up. “Is this where you wanted to show me?”
The uncertain look returns to Donghae’s face, leaving the man once again chewing softly on his lip. “Yes. A friend of mine showed me this place years ago. No one is ever here, so when I need a place to think, this is where I come.”
Donghae looks out at the ocean, eyes staring at something Han Geng can’t see. “I came here a lot in the beginning.” He admits. “I wasn’t anywhere near my family, and my father..” his voice trail off for a moment. “And then, I wasn’t sure exactly where I fit in with every one here. There were so many of us, and it seemed easy to just slip through the cracks.”
A smiles lights upon his lips. “But when I came here, every thing seemed to fade away. It’s my haven.”
He turns unreadable eyes to Han Geng, the wind and salty spray whipping his hair around and sticking it to his face. “I’ve never shared it with anyone.”
In the silence that follows, the thunder is louder than ever, and Han Geng makes out the rustling of Donghae’s too-large shirt. Rather than answer the admission that he knows will change everything, he instead questions, “Why are you wearing that shirt? Its far too large for you.”
Donghae smiles softly, “It was my father’s. Normally I keep it packed in the closet, but I missed him so bad today.”
Han Geng moves to stand next to him. “Why?”
Donghae shakes his head and laughs ruefully. “No real reason. Its just one of those days, you know?”
They stand together, watching the storm inch closer and closer, and the first drops of rain splatter against their faces.
“Normally I hate storms.”
Han Geng nods at Donghae in understanding. He knows this well, a lesson engraved into his mind from countless stormy nights where Donghae crawled into his bed, and clung to him trembling.
“But here… its just amazing. Like they wash away all your troubles.”
“Donghae?”
“hmm?”
Han Geng studies the young man in front of him. “Why did you bring me here.”
Donghae hums, but doesn’t answer.
Han Geng’s heart is about to beat out of his chest, but he holds his silence.
With out him realizing it, the storm is upon them, and rain begins to fall. within seconds, they are both soaked.
Donghae laughs, and points out to sea. The shirt clings to him, and his hair is plastered to his face. Han Geng drags his eyes away, and his loses his breath.
Now he understands what Donghae had meant. Watching the play of lightning through the clouds and listening to the symphony of thunder, pounding rain, and crashing waves, he feels awe like has never has before.
In the face of the fury of mother nature, his troubles seems to shrink, melt away. He engraves the sight into his memory, something to be cherished. Something to call upon on days like today. Never before has he felt so small, so humbled.
Han Geng turns to Donghae, excited words on his tongue, and freezes. Donghae is standing with his head thrown back, eyes closed. Water-logged stand of hair cling to his face and neck, the water drips off of him.
“Donghae?” Han Geng breathes softly.
Slowly his eyes open, and he tilts his head to look at Han Geng. “Yes Hannie?”
“Why did you bring me, here?”
Donghae turns to face him fully. " I dunno. Because I wanted to share this with you. Because I thought you’d like as much as me. Because I thought you needed it.” he pauses and gives a heartbreaking smile, hope and despair, pain and joy all wrapped into one.
“ But its mainly because I love you Geng. This is my special place, my secret, and I want you to have it”
Han Geng's heart skips a beat at the confession an dhe hesitates a moment to long.
He can’t tell if its just the rain, or if tears are making their way down Donghae’s cheeks. Donghae turns away from him in the long moments after the confession.
No!
“Donghae, wait!” he catches hold of Donghae’s hand and the younger boy stills, and looks back over his shoulder, once again biting his lip. His hair has fallen into his face.
The pounding of Han Geng’s heart blends in with the pounding of the ocean, and he reaches out a trembling hand to brush away the hair from the shorter man’s face.
“Donghae.”
Han Geng’s hand slips out of Donghae’s, and he brings it up to Donghae’s face as well. They stare at each other for an eternity, before Han Geng draws Donghae to him, and their lips meet in a kiss.
It’s hesitant at first, and Han Geng draws back to stare Donghae in the eyes. “Hae..” he whispers, and leans back in.
This time its desperate, and Donghae brings his arms round to run across Han Geng’s back, hands grabbing into his shirt. Electricity sparks through them, and Han Geng’s knees tremble, all to aware of every place his body, meets Donghae’s.
They both cling desperately to each other, two souls struggling to support the other through their own pain and despair.
The kisses grow increasingly frantic, as the rain pours harder
-----------------------------------------------------------
When Han Geng announces his intent to file for termination of his contract, the dorm erupts into shouting, tears, and very nearly physical violence, as each of his brothers come to him, demanding to know what he was thinking, how could he leave them?
Donghae is the only one who abstains, standing back behind the others. He doesn’t shout, doesn’t cry, and doesn’t even ask why. In fact, he doesn’t say a word. He catches Han Geng’s eye, and gives him the same heartbreaking smile he had when he had confessed.
Soon after Donghae leaves the room.
When Han Geng returns to his shared bedroom, he somehow expects the sight that meets him. Half of the furniture is gone, half of the clothes from the closet, half of the pictures on the desk. Every trace of Donghae is gone.
For the next few weeks they avoid each other, and when Han Geng moves out of the dorm, Donghae is once again standing behind everyone else, silent.
Their eyes meet, Donghae’s eyes boring into his. Han Geng give the slightest jerk of the head in understanding.
They day before he leaves to return to China, Han Geng drives the familiar route to the cliff where he and Donghae had met regularly, ever since that first stormy day.
When he pulls up, there is already another car parked in the field. Han Geng get out and slowly meanders down the trail. Donghae’s back greets him when he reaches the cliff.
Han Geng walks to stand by his side, and follows his gaze to the storm clouds brewing in the distance. The salty-wet breeze slaps him in the face, and he inhales deeply.
“Just like that day isn’t it?”
Han Geng hums in agreement. He looks at Donghae.
Donghae is facing him now. Faint surprise dances in his eyes.
“So you came. I wasn‘t sure if you would”
Thunder rumbles in the distance and dread settles into Han Geng’s stomach.
“Donghae…”
Donghae smiles, but it doesn’t reach eyes that are dark with pain.
“It’s alright, Geng. I’ve known since the beginning that it would come to this.”
Han Geng doesn‘t know what to think, here was the moment he had been dreading, and Donghae says he already knew? Then it occurs to him that he really shouldn‘t be surprised. Of course, Donghae had always seen right through him. But still…
“Then why did you…?”
Donghae closes his eyes, briefly, and turns away
“Because I had hoped that my love would be enough. That I would be enough.”
He laughs and grins at Han Geng. “Guess not, huh?”
Donghae turns away and Han Geng grabs his hand. “Donghae, wait.”
Donghae turns to him, and Han Geng falters. He does the only thing he can think of and draws the other man in for a kiss. After a long moment, they break off.
Donghae’s eyes are darker than he’s ever seen them, pain and despair darkening them to near black.
Han Geng’s eyes widen in realization, and he fumbles for words. “O-oh, I’m sorry, um, Donghae….”
He’s cut off as Donghae wraps him a hug and clings like Han Geng is the most precious thing in the world. Lips whisper across his neck.
“Thanks, Hannie. Its okay. I’ll be fine." a shuddering breath "Good luck, okay? Stay healthy.”
They stay in that final embrace for what feels like hours, before Donghae pulls away, averting his eyes.
“Don’t you have to finish up packing? You’re leaving tomorrow.”
“I finished already.”
“Even the stuff under the sink Hannie?”
“Under the si- damn. I forgot that. How did you know?”
Donghae grins at him, and Han Geng purposefully avoids his watery eyes. “You always do.”
Of course.
Han Geng delays as much as he dares, but eventually, he has to leave. “Donghae…”
“Yeah?”
“I’ve got to go.”
“Alright." a beat of silence "I’ll stay here a bit longer though.”
“Okay then.... Good bye Hae.”
“Bye, Geng.”
Han Geng isn’t confused as to whether the water dripping from Donghae’s face this time around are tears or not, because it doesn’t start raining until he reaches his car.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Five years later, Han Geng somehow isn’t surprised when he reads the headlines of the news sites. What he is surprised is that no one had told him beforehand.
SUPER JUNIOR’S LEE DONGHAE FOUND DEAD, SUSPECTED SUICIDE.
At 8:47 yesterday morning, the body of Super Junior’s Lee Donghae was discovered washed up on a beach, by local citizens. Due to the presence of a suicide note in his dorm, and his parked car near a small cliff, the police are ruling it a case of suicide. His family and band mates express their shock and disbelief at this act……
He laughs bitterly as he looks down at the bottle clutched in his own hands. He dumps out the last few pills into his hands and swallows them dry. By this time, he’s starting to feel dizzy. Dimly he hears it begin to rain outside, and he struggles to his feet.
Once outside he collapses to his knees, and soon after even those give out, leaving him laying on his sid ein the mud.
Using the last of his strength, he rolls over to face the storm clouds overhead, and allows his tears to mix with the rain.
As the flashes of lightning above dim with his vision, he smiles, and remembers the beginning of the end of his life. He wonders if Donghae had thought that they would end this way. Probably. Donghae had always seen right through him.
-----------------------------------------------------
Thunder crashes as they kiss, and Han Geng slides his hands up Donghae’s shirt, Donghae tangles his hands in Han Geng’s hair.
Suddenly lightning strikes just out over the water, and the resultant boom of thunder startles them both. The break apart abruptly, and the lack of support sends them tumbling to the ground. Donghae’s wide eyes stare at him, white showing all around.
“That was a little bit close. Think we should head back to the car?”
Lightning strikes again, even closer this time, and Han Geng grabs Donghae and drags him to his feet. “Hell yes!”
They make a break for the woods, when they reach the trail, Han Geng scoops up Donghae, and they run laughing in exhilaration all the back to car. Once there they jerk open the car door and jump in. Han Geng ends up laying across the middle, head in Donghae’s lap, while Donghae legs are squashed up against the dashboard. They look at each other, and relapse into hysterical laughter.
When Han Geng catches his breath, he smiles up at Donghae, who is still giggling slightly.
“Hey, Donghae?”
Curious eyes meet his.
“I love you too.”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
HAN GENG, FORMERLY OF SUPER JUNIOR FOUND DEAD, POSSIBLE SUICIDE.
The coroner’s preliminary report, announces that overdose of sleeping medication is the most likely cause of death. This will not be confirmed however, until the official report that will be released at a later date. As of now, the case has been ruled suicide…
This was supposed to be happy damn it. instead i killed them both. is it even possible for me to write purely fully happy fic? arggghhhh
oh, Ninja!leeteuk is happy enough i suppose, lol. I dedicated his appearance to Ashley, cause i know she loves him. kekekekeke~
oh, and here's a wall for this fic haha~ that's become a tradition now hasn't it?
Pairing: HanHae
Rating: Pg-13
Genre: Angst, i guess.
Warnings: Character death and suicide. don't like, don't read.
Summary: Han Geng is having a bad day. So is Donghae. Donghae's solution may cause more trouble than it fixes.
I am not entirely sure how much i like this fic... but i feel guilty about not updating Moon Struck, so I decided to post this >.< I'm working on it i prooooomise.
Hang Geng sighs heavily and drags himself into his room. His eyes droop with exhaustion, and his entire body aches, right down to his fingers and toes. His bed beckons invitingly, and he wastes no time in dropping down onto it, burying his face into pillow. A groan escapes his mouth.
Some days, he thinks, it was all too much. Sure, he liked his job, loved it, had given up his home and family to pursue it. Most days it was worth it. Bright lights, and screaming fans, and the laughter and camaraderie of the boys who had become his second family, his brothers.
But then came days like today. Days run on almost no sleep, the schedule endless. Where the laughter died, and withered away, leaving only strained conversations and oppressing silence.
Days like these, he thinks bitterly, have been occurring far too often lately.
He’s almost asleep when a knock on the door startles him, and he slips off the bed onto the floor. He shoves the blanket from where it had fallen with him, and untangles himself, muttering under his breath. He painfully stands up and limps over to the door, rubbing at his bruised elbow.
He opens the door with a sigh, and answers with a scowl. “yes?”
He blinks down at a pair of warm brown eyes. His scowl softens into a barely-there smile.
Donghae stares him, eyes wide and earnest. A few strands of hair fall into his face as he cocks his head to the side. The movement causes the oversized off-white shirt to slip off his shoulder. “ Are you okay Hannie?”
Han Geng lets out a breath, but manages a smile. “Of course Hae. Why?”
Donghae frowns, and raises a hand hidden by the long sleeves of his shirt to brush the hair out of his eyes. He locks gazes with Han Geng.
“You looked sad earlier. I was worried.”
He looks down to bare feet covered by the frayed edges of a worn pair of jeans and bites his lip. After a moment he glances back up hesitantly. “ Are you sure you’re okay?”
Surprise flashes across Han Geng’s face. He’d thought he had managed to act normally enough earlier. Apparently not. Then again, Donghae always seemed to see right through him anyway.
“Well, maybe I was, a little.” he admits.
Han Geng drops his façade, and allows the younger to see the weariness in his dark eyes, and the sharp ache of pain and loneliness in the lines of his face.
Donghae studies his face, brows drawn in concentration. He pouts for the barest moment, before something sparks in his eyes, and he brightens. He rocks back and forth on his heels, and announces excitedly. “I have something I want to show you Hannie.”
Han Geng’ face twists in confusion. “what?”
A smile breaks out on Donghae’s face, and he grabs hold of Han Geng’s hand, dragging the older man out of the room.
Han Geng stumbles briefly, but increases his pace to keep up with Donghae. “Where are we going?”
Donghae chatters at him over his shoulder. “I saw the weather report earlier, and it’s perfect today! You’ll really like it!”
Han Geng isn’t any clearer on where they are going, but follows the excited male anyway. He thinks longingly of his bed once last time before they are at the door. Donghae quickly snatches up a set of keys, and calls into the kitchen. “Teukie-hyung! Me and Hannie are going out!”
Leeteuk pauses from where he had been making ramen. “Where are you-”
The door slams.
“-going?”
Leeteuk looks at the door in bemusement for a moment before shrugging and returning to his ramen. He tastes it and grimaces. “Now what did I do wrong?”
-------------------------------------------------------
Han Geng stands still as Donghae shoves the keys into his hand flits around to the passenger side of the car, flinging open the door and jumping in. after a moment he opens the door back up and looks over the top of the car.
Confused eyes peer at him. “Aren’t you coming?”
Han Geng raises an eyebrow. “So I’m driving?”
Donghae nods slowly. “Ye-es.”
Han Geng lets out a soft snort of laughter and gets into the car. He starts it up and the two pull out of the parking garage. Han Geng briefly turns his gaze to the other. “So where are we going?”
Donghae leans forward in his seat. He points frantically to the left. “Turn here! Turn here!”
Han Geng tightens his grip on the steering wheel, but does so. “Hae?”
Donghae settles back. “You’ll see.”
Han Geng shakes his head slightly, but amusement quirks his lips.
The two drive in silence for a while, with Donghae issuing directions every now and then. Eventually Donghae starts humming under his breathe, and reaches for the radio. They both laugh at the first thing they hear.
Sorry sorry sorry sorry…
Donghae draws his knees up to his chest and wraps his arms around them. He rests his chin and glances at Han Geng out of the corner of his eye.
Something catches Han Geng’s interest.
“Donghae?”
“Yeah Hannie?”
“Are you wearing shoes?”
Donghae blinks and looks down at his feet. Bare toes greet him and wiggle, prompting a fit of giggles.
“I forgot to put them on.”
Han Geng sighs, fond exasperation coloring the noise. Of course.
Donghae narrows his eyes, and pouts. A smile crosses Han Geng’s face every time he looks over. Eventually Donghae gives in, and smiles back at him. Once again they lapse into a comfortable silence.
Soon enough Donghae is directing them off the main highway, onto a small dirt road. It twists and turns, and eventually stops in a small field. Han Geng puts the car into park, and the pair get out.
Han Geng looks around. They are surrounded by trees on all sides, but as he takes a deep breathe he can smell the salty air of the ocean. The sky is overcast, and the wind is beginning to pick up, blowing leaves off the trees to flutter to the ground.
“Hannie!”
Donghae has crossed the field to stand at the beginning of a small trail that heads into the woods.
Han Geng jogs over. “Is this where we are going?”
Donghae nods, eyes glowing with excitement. “Yep! Just down here.” He gestures to the narrow path. He bounces up and down slightly before once again grabbing Han Geng’s hand, this time pushing his sleeve up enough to twine their fingers together.
Han Geng’s breath catches at the contact, and he doesn’t have time to right himself before they are haring off through the woods. Heat rises to his face, and his eyes are repeatedly drawn to their clasped hands.
After a moment though, he becomes aware of the way Donghae hisses with every footstep. Han Geng stops, and Donghae jerks at the unexpected obstruction. He turns around . Han Geng searches the smaller boy’s face, wind blown hair, eyes bright, and slightly flushed in exertion.
There. He sees the slight wince, as Donghae shifts uncomfortably from foot to foot.
“You silly little fishy.”
Han Geng quickly crosses the few steps between them, and kneels in front of the other.
“Get on.”
“Hannie?”
“You’re not wearing shoes. I’ll carry you.”
There is a moment of silence, before Han Geng feels a weight settle on his back and arms wrap around his neck. Slowly Han Geng stands back up. Their gazes meet over Han Geng’s shoulder. Something flickers in Donghae’s eyes, the emotion naked, vulnerable, before he flushes and buries his face into the crook of Han Geng’s neck.
“Thanks.” A breath across his skin, whispering lips.
Han Geng’s knees very nearly buckle underneath, but somehow he remains standing, and continues down the trail.
Slowly, the trees start thinning out, and they come to open sky, and the sound of waves crashing. A small cliff overlooks the ocean, and it is here that Donghae slips off of Han Geng’s back, drawing the other man with him to stand a safe distance from the edge.
Off in the distance, storm clouds gather, rolling black and flashing lightning. Thunder faintly sounds in their ears, and the wind is stronger than ever. Waves crash against the side of the cliff, send water spraying up over the edge of the cliff.
Han Geng’s eyebrows shoot up. “Is this where you wanted to show me?”
The uncertain look returns to Donghae’s face, leaving the man once again chewing softly on his lip. “Yes. A friend of mine showed me this place years ago. No one is ever here, so when I need a place to think, this is where I come.”
Donghae looks out at the ocean, eyes staring at something Han Geng can’t see. “I came here a lot in the beginning.” He admits. “I wasn’t anywhere near my family, and my father..” his voice trail off for a moment. “And then, I wasn’t sure exactly where I fit in with every one here. There were so many of us, and it seemed easy to just slip through the cracks.”
A smiles lights upon his lips. “But when I came here, every thing seemed to fade away. It’s my haven.”
He turns unreadable eyes to Han Geng, the wind and salty spray whipping his hair around and sticking it to his face. “I’ve never shared it with anyone.”
In the silence that follows, the thunder is louder than ever, and Han Geng makes out the rustling of Donghae’s too-large shirt. Rather than answer the admission that he knows will change everything, he instead questions, “Why are you wearing that shirt? Its far too large for you.”
Donghae smiles softly, “It was my father’s. Normally I keep it packed in the closet, but I missed him so bad today.”
Han Geng moves to stand next to him. “Why?”
Donghae shakes his head and laughs ruefully. “No real reason. Its just one of those days, you know?”
They stand together, watching the storm inch closer and closer, and the first drops of rain splatter against their faces.
“Normally I hate storms.”
Han Geng nods at Donghae in understanding. He knows this well, a lesson engraved into his mind from countless stormy nights where Donghae crawled into his bed, and clung to him trembling.
“But here… its just amazing. Like they wash away all your troubles.”
“Donghae?”
“hmm?”
Han Geng studies the young man in front of him. “Why did you bring me here.”
Donghae hums, but doesn’t answer.
Han Geng’s heart is about to beat out of his chest, but he holds his silence.
With out him realizing it, the storm is upon them, and rain begins to fall. within seconds, they are both soaked.
Donghae laughs, and points out to sea. The shirt clings to him, and his hair is plastered to his face. Han Geng drags his eyes away, and his loses his breath.
Now he understands what Donghae had meant. Watching the play of lightning through the clouds and listening to the symphony of thunder, pounding rain, and crashing waves, he feels awe like has never has before.
In the face of the fury of mother nature, his troubles seems to shrink, melt away. He engraves the sight into his memory, something to be cherished. Something to call upon on days like today. Never before has he felt so small, so humbled.
Han Geng turns to Donghae, excited words on his tongue, and freezes. Donghae is standing with his head thrown back, eyes closed. Water-logged stand of hair cling to his face and neck, the water drips off of him.
“Donghae?” Han Geng breathes softly.
Slowly his eyes open, and he tilts his head to look at Han Geng. “Yes Hannie?”
“Why did you bring me, here?”
Donghae turns to face him fully. " I dunno. Because I wanted to share this with you. Because I thought you’d like as much as me. Because I thought you needed it.” he pauses and gives a heartbreaking smile, hope and despair, pain and joy all wrapped into one.
“ But its mainly because I love you Geng. This is my special place, my secret, and I want you to have it”
Han Geng's heart skips a beat at the confession an dhe hesitates a moment to long.
He can’t tell if its just the rain, or if tears are making their way down Donghae’s cheeks. Donghae turns away from him in the long moments after the confession.
No!
“Donghae, wait!” he catches hold of Donghae’s hand and the younger boy stills, and looks back over his shoulder, once again biting his lip. His hair has fallen into his face.
The pounding of Han Geng’s heart blends in with the pounding of the ocean, and he reaches out a trembling hand to brush away the hair from the shorter man’s face.
“Donghae.”
Han Geng’s hand slips out of Donghae’s, and he brings it up to Donghae’s face as well. They stare at each other for an eternity, before Han Geng draws Donghae to him, and their lips meet in a kiss.
It’s hesitant at first, and Han Geng draws back to stare Donghae in the eyes. “Hae..” he whispers, and leans back in.
This time its desperate, and Donghae brings his arms round to run across Han Geng’s back, hands grabbing into his shirt. Electricity sparks through them, and Han Geng’s knees tremble, all to aware of every place his body, meets Donghae’s.
They both cling desperately to each other, two souls struggling to support the other through their own pain and despair.
The kisses grow increasingly frantic, as the rain pours harder
-----------------------------------------------------------
When Han Geng announces his intent to file for termination of his contract, the dorm erupts into shouting, tears, and very nearly physical violence, as each of his brothers come to him, demanding to know what he was thinking, how could he leave them?
Donghae is the only one who abstains, standing back behind the others. He doesn’t shout, doesn’t cry, and doesn’t even ask why. In fact, he doesn’t say a word. He catches Han Geng’s eye, and gives him the same heartbreaking smile he had when he had confessed.
Soon after Donghae leaves the room.
When Han Geng returns to his shared bedroom, he somehow expects the sight that meets him. Half of the furniture is gone, half of the clothes from the closet, half of the pictures on the desk. Every trace of Donghae is gone.
For the next few weeks they avoid each other, and when Han Geng moves out of the dorm, Donghae is once again standing behind everyone else, silent.
Their eyes meet, Donghae’s eyes boring into his. Han Geng give the slightest jerk of the head in understanding.
They day before he leaves to return to China, Han Geng drives the familiar route to the cliff where he and Donghae had met regularly, ever since that first stormy day.
When he pulls up, there is already another car parked in the field. Han Geng get out and slowly meanders down the trail. Donghae’s back greets him when he reaches the cliff.
Han Geng walks to stand by his side, and follows his gaze to the storm clouds brewing in the distance. The salty-wet breeze slaps him in the face, and he inhales deeply.
“Just like that day isn’t it?”
Han Geng hums in agreement. He looks at Donghae.
Donghae is facing him now. Faint surprise dances in his eyes.
“So you came. I wasn‘t sure if you would”
Thunder rumbles in the distance and dread settles into Han Geng’s stomach.
“Donghae…”
Donghae smiles, but it doesn’t reach eyes that are dark with pain.
“It’s alright, Geng. I’ve known since the beginning that it would come to this.”
Han Geng doesn‘t know what to think, here was the moment he had been dreading, and Donghae says he already knew? Then it occurs to him that he really shouldn‘t be surprised. Of course, Donghae had always seen right through him. But still…
“Then why did you…?”
Donghae closes his eyes, briefly, and turns away
“Because I had hoped that my love would be enough. That I would be enough.”
He laughs and grins at Han Geng. “Guess not, huh?”
Donghae turns away and Han Geng grabs his hand. “Donghae, wait.”
Donghae turns to him, and Han Geng falters. He does the only thing he can think of and draws the other man in for a kiss. After a long moment, they break off.
Donghae’s eyes are darker than he’s ever seen them, pain and despair darkening them to near black.
Han Geng’s eyes widen in realization, and he fumbles for words. “O-oh, I’m sorry, um, Donghae….”
He’s cut off as Donghae wraps him a hug and clings like Han Geng is the most precious thing in the world. Lips whisper across his neck.
“Thanks, Hannie. Its okay. I’ll be fine." a shuddering breath "Good luck, okay? Stay healthy.”
They stay in that final embrace for what feels like hours, before Donghae pulls away, averting his eyes.
“Don’t you have to finish up packing? You’re leaving tomorrow.”
“I finished already.”
“Even the stuff under the sink Hannie?”
“Under the si- damn. I forgot that. How did you know?”
Donghae grins at him, and Han Geng purposefully avoids his watery eyes. “You always do.”
Of course.
Han Geng delays as much as he dares, but eventually, he has to leave. “Donghae…”
“Yeah?”
“I’ve got to go.”
“Alright." a beat of silence "I’ll stay here a bit longer though.”
“Okay then.... Good bye Hae.”
“Bye, Geng.”
Han Geng isn’t confused as to whether the water dripping from Donghae’s face this time around are tears or not, because it doesn’t start raining until he reaches his car.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Five years later, Han Geng somehow isn’t surprised when he reads the headlines of the news sites. What he is surprised is that no one had told him beforehand.
SUPER JUNIOR’S LEE DONGHAE FOUND DEAD, SUSPECTED SUICIDE.
At 8:47 yesterday morning, the body of Super Junior’s Lee Donghae was discovered washed up on a beach, by local citizens. Due to the presence of a suicide note in his dorm, and his parked car near a small cliff, the police are ruling it a case of suicide. His family and band mates express their shock and disbelief at this act……
He laughs bitterly as he looks down at the bottle clutched in his own hands. He dumps out the last few pills into his hands and swallows them dry. By this time, he’s starting to feel dizzy. Dimly he hears it begin to rain outside, and he struggles to his feet.
Once outside he collapses to his knees, and soon after even those give out, leaving him laying on his sid ein the mud.
Using the last of his strength, he rolls over to face the storm clouds overhead, and allows his tears to mix with the rain.
As the flashes of lightning above dim with his vision, he smiles, and remembers the beginning of the end of his life. He wonders if Donghae had thought that they would end this way. Probably. Donghae had always seen right through him.
-----------------------------------------------------
Thunder crashes as they kiss, and Han Geng slides his hands up Donghae’s shirt, Donghae tangles his hands in Han Geng’s hair.
Suddenly lightning strikes just out over the water, and the resultant boom of thunder startles them both. The break apart abruptly, and the lack of support sends them tumbling to the ground. Donghae’s wide eyes stare at him, white showing all around.
“That was a little bit close. Think we should head back to the car?”
Lightning strikes again, even closer this time, and Han Geng grabs Donghae and drags him to his feet. “Hell yes!”
They make a break for the woods, when they reach the trail, Han Geng scoops up Donghae, and they run laughing in exhilaration all the back to car. Once there they jerk open the car door and jump in. Han Geng ends up laying across the middle, head in Donghae’s lap, while Donghae legs are squashed up against the dashboard. They look at each other, and relapse into hysterical laughter.
When Han Geng catches his breath, he smiles up at Donghae, who is still giggling slightly.
“Hey, Donghae?”
Curious eyes meet his.
“I love you too.”
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HAN GENG, FORMERLY OF SUPER JUNIOR FOUND DEAD, POSSIBLE SUICIDE.
The coroner’s preliminary report, announces that overdose of sleeping medication is the most likely cause of death. This will not be confirmed however, until the official report that will be released at a later date. As of now, the case has been ruled suicide…
This was supposed to be happy damn it. instead i killed them both. is it even possible for me to write purely fully happy fic? arggghhhh
oh, Ninja!leeteuk is happy enough i suppose, lol. I dedicated his appearance to Ashley, cause i know she loves him. kekekekeke~
oh, and here's a wall for this fic haha~ that's become a tradition now hasn't it?
